La da da... Hmm? Wait... what priorities???

It's been awhile, my apologies to anyone who reads this blog. So here is what I learned today... I have SCREWED UP priorities... who knew? I sure didn't.

I was at church this morning and got another one of God's handy 2 x 4s to my head. I swear, that one of those is far more efficient in getting the point across than a lightning bolt.

So here is my honest to God list of priorities while at college... let us see where I've gone wrong.

1. School/Friends (basically the same time commitment in college)
2. Work (which is sad because I don't like my job)
   
3. Family
4. Free Time (my time to regain/retain a bit of sanity)
5. Chores 
6. Sleep
7. Church
8. Food
9. Exercise
10. God

I am ashamed. This is the first time I have ever written down my priorities honestly. Yes I am  21 years old and just now doing this. I am slow, I get it. (I am sure my mom is shaking her head at me right now haha). So what have I learned?

I need a priority makeover.

I wish it was like Boom! Voilà!!! Se magnifique!!! But it isn't that easy. See, these patterns have formed after years of repetition. Ugh! So what needs to change? Some people will say, put God at the top of your list.

My response: an emphatic NO.

Now before you pick up some rocks to stone me or start screaming "Heretic" or "you go girl" or whatever, listen to the core of what I learned this morning.

Yes, my priorities are screwed up and I need to fix that. But the real problem is that I have made God something to mark off my list as completed, dealt with, etc. God is supposed to be the center of my life and my very sustenance. God does not just get a quadrant of my brain, a piece of my heart or a corner of my soul. All of my heart, mind, soul and strength belong to him. He bought it with the precious blood of his Son Jesus Christ. His transforming salvation is pretty pointless if I only allow him a small, and obviously unimportant compartment of my life. He should be present in every category.

Here is my goal-list of priorities...

1. Relationships (family and friends) & God
2. Health (food, sleep, and exercise) & God
3. School & God
4. Work (job and chores) & God
5. Free Time & God

I must say that this list looks a whole lot simpler, less stressful and much more beneficial to my whole being (heart, mind, body, and soul).

What about you? Where are your priorities, and be honest. Dishonesty encourages bad habits rather than rectifying them.

Two negatives make a positive... WHAT???

AHH!!!

Oh math, you are a fiend. But sometimes you make sense. Still, I must say that grasping the concept of negative becoming positive has always been a bit of a struggle. But today, I got it!

Today my mom was declared cancer-free. That is right, CANCER-FREE. Now I am sure many of you did not know that my mom had cancer. Well here is a little background information...

Picture this...

Freshman year of college. In a new state, at a new school, few friends and all only weeks old, a roommate that left school, all alone and mom is going into surgery. The day passes and anxiety sets in; the call should have come an hour ago. A call comes and the voice on the other end says, "The doctors found cancer."

End scene.

To say that that semester sucked would be a radical understatement. At that point I understood the concept that negative plus negative equals NEGATIVE.

A year passes and with it came chemo and financial hardship. And my mom fought... NEVER, will anyone call my mom a quitter. And the Lord blessed us. Positive was added to the negative.

Them my mom received news that after her most recent surgery she was in remission! Finally the equation ended positively.

Since then my family and I have been so grateful, but it would be untruthful to say that all worry and anxiety went into remission too. Other negatives still make their way into the equation of life and it is hard to have total confidence that it will resolve to a positive end.

Fast forward another year and again my mom's scans are negative again, a total positive! (yes I am being punny)

I think I am beginning to understand something... and maybe you will too...

Life is a complex equation, stringing together a treasure trove of positive and negative experiences along the way. We are all on a unique spot of that strand, some in positive situations and others, negative. Looking at another person's equations will do one of two things:

1. Evoke an emotional response to their stage of solving it.
2. Learn from the manner in which they handle the situations. 

What do you do when you see someone prospering or failing? In what what do you look at them?
I hope that when someone sees me in any circumstance, rough or easy, they see a confidence of a positive end result. I will tell you now that that confidence will not be of myself, I am not that secure in my math abilities.

I know that good will be at the end of this life because Jesus Christ is the great Mathematician, who ordained my life and promises in his holy Word - Romans 8:28 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who are called according to his purpose." (NIV)

Look at it this way... For each bad situation (a negative) I get to multiply it by another negative (the shedding of Christ's innocent blood) and the equation will always be positive. I win!!! =D

Foregoing the soap on this expletive... D*****!

DAMN IT!

Now, before you judge me for my offensive language or even brush over that "D-bomb," I know, not at catchy as "F-bomb," as unimportant... please read further.

Dictionary.com defines the word damn a few different ways:

     Verb

1. to declare (something) to be bad, unfit, invalid, or illegal
2. to condemn as a failure
3. to bring condemnation upon, ruin
4. to doom to eternal punishment or condemn to hell
5. to swear at or curse, using the word "damn"

     Interjection

1. (used as an expletive to express anger, annoyance, disgust, etc.)

Then UrbanDictionary.com has a different definition, quite simply "the all purpose word"

Maybe you are wondering why I am using a blog to yell "damn it" to the world. Well here is the short version...

My dad is paralyzed, and has been so for 10 years. That sucks, beyond words can express. But the last couple years have been incredibly rough with long bouts of time in the hospital with all kinds of issues, from blood clots in his legs and lungs to another broken back to infection in his pelvis... Damn it!

His body is broken. Have you ever known true brokenness? Think about it. Have you fought each day to wake up and live out the day, only to fight the same battle the next day? Have you ever been so depressed that sleep is the only escape, but even your dreams are tormented by the excruciating pain? Have you been in chronic pain? I pray you have not, nor ever will experience this. I would not wish this on anyone.

Well the events of the past 10 years have brought my family to this current point in time and my dad is facing more surgeries and yet another Christmas in the hospital; this is the second year in a row and I believe the 3rd/4th time in the last 10 years. Oh, did I mention that Christmas is my dad's birthday? Damn it!

Alright, enough of this specific four-letter word. Let me introduce another... LOVE. I don't care if it sounds cliche. Deal with it. Because I have never met someone who has better demonstrated my God's sacrificial love.

I have a father who fights each day, with each new trial and hardship. He loves me and my brother. He opens his eyes, gritting his teeth with each spasm that threatens to throw his body to the ground, to be there for us. That, my friends is LOVE of the purest kind. He pushes his body to lived in this situation that is...

1. bad, unfit, invalid
2. a failure
3. ruined, condemned
4. hellish
5. a curse

... because he LOVES. He sacrifices the right to end it all, to slip into death, because he lives by a four-letter word that doesn't have to be bleeped out with ****.

My story might mean little to you if you don't know Jesus Christ as your Savior and Lord. You might see my dad's strength as the fulfillment of man's potential to strive and survive. I agree that he is a strong man and has a tenacity that puts many to shame. But my dad is here today, dealing with these damned circumstances, because he relies on the strength of our God. His fortitude is not of man's creation. He has not let go of life because God is not through with him. My dad is no stranger to frustration and the words "Damn it!" But what sets him apart from so many, and what I hope to achieve in my life, is the ability to say DAMN IT to the circumstances and keep living by this four-letter word - LOVE.

So, quick question... Yes, I know I just asked you a lot of questions and gave you a lot of information; work with me... Why do you say "damn it?"